


and when i do it all again (i know i'll go back to you)

by shatteredsunlight



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Accidental Love Confessions, Episode: s01e07 Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad, F/F, POV Third Person Omniscient, Time Loop, lots of death but it doesn't stick, no beta we die like philippa (prime), unrequited love but it's acually requited and they're just idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:42:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29431173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shatteredsunlight/pseuds/shatteredsunlight
Summary: In which there is a party, a kiss (a few of them, actually), and unrequited love that might just be requited.(Jola in the time loop)
Relationships: Keyla Detmer/Joann Owosekun
Comments: 13
Kudos: 29





	and when i do it all again (i know i'll go back to you)

**Author's Note:**

> cheers to all the people spending their valentine's day alone in their room writing fanfiction 🥂

Before we start, there are a few things you need to know.

The first is that time is currently very important. It’s looping in and around itself, driving a few people in circles, and in general, being very irritating.

The second thing is that neither Keyla Detmer nor Joann Owosekun are aware of this fact.

The third is that Keyla is currently in a corner at a party making out with another officer.

And the fourth, most important thing is that Joann is in love with Keyla. And Keyla might just be in love with Joann.

Time will tell. 

(if it can stop repeating itself and get to the point already)

Now, the party. 

It’s quite a fun party, colored lights dancing across the darkened room, upbeat music playing, drinks in hands, and laughter everywhere. It’s a refuge from the storm outside, the war that’s been going on far too long, and it’s a way to forget, for a few hours, a night, a way to ignore the fact that anyone on the ship could be dead tomorrow. 

Fun party, am I right?

Anyway.

It is, in fact, a fun party. For everyone except three people.

The first is technically not at the party  _ now _ , but he’s been there before. (twice, by now, so he counts)

The second doesn’t really do parties. (she’ll enjoy it later, once she’s not-enjoyed it 24 times already)

The third is keenly aware of the woman she’s just a little bit in love with kissing some random guy in the corner. 

We’re going to focus on her, the other two have had their stories told already. 

Her name is Joann. (you probably know that, but hey, there’s always someone who’s gonna miss it) 

Joann is smiling. Don’t be fooled. She’s a good actress. No, in five minutes Joann is going to leave the party. (this is the fifteenth time she’s done this) 

When she leaves the party, one thing might happen. Or something else. There are a few options. 

Almost all of them will play out unhappily. 

So far, all of them have played out unhappily. 

Maybe this time will go well. (hopefully. Last time...you don’t even want to know about last time)

Five minutes later, and Joann leaves the party, right on schedule. She goes back to her room. (again, right on schedule) And she sits there. 

She doesn’t cry. 

It would be pointless to cry. 

(she’s cried other times. Those times were always hardest to watch) 

Instead, she sits in her bed, alone in her room, and she decides that she does not love Keyla Detmer. (romantically. She decides to love her platonically because that’s clearly the only way Keyla is ever going to love her) 

It works. (kind of)

(sort of)

(it doesn’t work, who are we kidding)

Now, let me take you back to Keyla, just for a moment. Keyla is no longer making out with the random guy. (to be completely honest with herself, she had no idea what that guy’s name was. She’s a little drunk, okay?) Keyla is looking around for her closest friend on Discovery. (who she maybe kind of wants to be a little more than that. Maybe. Kind of. She isn’t sure) 

Joann isn’t there. (she’s in her room, remember? Of course you remember, that was only a little while ago. If you don’t, you might want to see a doctor) 

“Do you know where Owo went?” she asks Tilly, and Tilly shrugs.

“She might’ve just gone to get some air,” Tilly suggests. Keyla nods. That sounds right. She just wanted some air. 

“Any idea where she might have gone?” 

Tilly shrugs again. “I dunno. Rhys might though? I think they were talking? I really don’t know. Sorry!” 

Keyla goes looking for the aforementioned Rhys, and he shrugs too.

“I saw her leave, but I don’t know where she went after that.”

“Thanks,” she says, and then she leaves to go find Joann. 

She takes too long looking, and the ship blows up. 

And we’re right back to the beginning.

Looks like this time wasn’t so different after all.

Maybe next time. 

(it’s not next time. Or the time after that. Or after that, or after that, or—you get the point)

Anyway.

We’re back at the party. Back to square one.

Keyla is in the corner and Joann feels a little sick and Tilly is distracted and Paul Stamets is really really fucking tired of watching everyone die and maybe this time will go well. Maybe this time. 

This time, something changes. 

When Joann excuses herself from the party, she doesn’t make it past the door. Something—she isn’t entirely sure what—stops her. 

She turns around and steps back into the chaotic haze of the party. A few minutes after she does, Keyla comes up to her, having separated herself from whoever she was making out with in the corner. 

“Fun party, right?” she says, giggling, and Joann nods and finds herself smiling. 

“Yes,” she agrees (remember she’s a good actress. And also remember that Keyla makes her happy, whether or not she loves her back) 

This time, when everything falls apart, Joann is smiling. 

There are times when they come closer than other loops. Those are the hardest to watch. 

They always go the same way. 

Joann leaves the party.

Keyla goes looking for her.

And then.

“Attention, all personnel. Find the nearest room and stay in it. Now,” a voice echoes through the ship. It’s not a voice Joann’s ever heard before, but she does as it says. 

And there, in the room, is Keyla. 

And only Keyla.

“Joann! Where’d you go?”

“Oh, I left the party.”

“Why?”

It’s an innocent question, clearly. And yet it’s pretty hard for Joann to take it that way.

“I wanted some air.”

“That’s what I thought.” Keyla smiles, and then looks at Joann, still standing by the door. “You ok?” 

“I’m fine.”

The words come out colder than she meant them to.

“Are you sure? You seem—” 

“I’m  _ fine _ .”

“Well ok then, you’re  _ fine _ .”

They sit in silence for a few moments, and then Joann looks at Keyla and this is really a bad idea but the words are in her head and— she can’t. She can’t say them. 

She never can.

Next time, maybe. 

(Next time, she dies a fiery death before Keyla reaches her)

And then we come to the final loop.

It goes as it normally does. 

And then it changes. 

(Paul Stamets does not have to watch everyone die another painful death this time) 

This time, Keyla finds Joann in her room, sitting on her bed and leaning against the wall. 

“You okay?” 

“Fine. Just feeling a bit off,” she lies, and Keyla nods sympathetically. 

“Yeah.”

_ Who even was that guy?  _ she wants to ask, but she doesn’t. She can’t. 

“Do you want anything?”

“No.” 

“Ok,” Keyla says, and joins her on the bed.

They sit there, in comfortable silence, everything left unsaid filling the space between them. 

“Did you enjoy the party?"

“Yeah. And you certainly looked like you were enjoying it.” 

Keyla snorts. “Yeah, I guess. That’s what you do at parties, right? Have fun and make out with random guys.” 

“Do you even know his name?” Joann asks incredulously, and Keyla turns ever so slightly red. 

“ _ Well _ , I ki—” 

“Oh my God, you didn’t know his name,” Joann laughs.

“In my defense I was—” Keyla stops talking.

“What’s your brilliant defense, Detmer?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t know.”

They lapse back into silence. Keyla leans back against the wall, and after a bit, her head falls onto Joann’s shoulder. She’s asleep. 

“Sometimes I wish I’d never met you,” Joann sighs quietly.

“What?” Keyla asks, suspiciously alert for someone who was asleep two minutes ago. 

“I—” yeah, it’s too late for Joann to backtrack. “It’s just. I. Well. I. I like you. Like. _ Like  _ you. And I’m sor—”

“No, you don’t,” Keyla says decisively, fully awake now. 

“What do you even mean by that?” 

Keyla gestures around vaguely.

“I just...Look at me, Jo! And look at you and just...it’s…”

“I get it. We’re friends, nothing more. We can just—”

“No, no, that’s not it! Ever since I met you...I think...I think I love you and maybe I’ve loved you ever since I’ve known you and I don’t know what I’m saying but we’re friends, ok, you’re my closest friend on this ship, and I just didn’t want to fuck that up and so I wanted to forget and I tried to forget and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but you’ve always been there and you were—you  _ are _ —so steady and beautiful and incredible and...and I love you and…and I don’t know. I’m sorry, I—”

“Keyla,” Joann says gently, quietly, and Keyla looks up at her, emotions swirling across her face, terror tinged with hope. “Keyla,” she says again, the name sweet on her tongue. “ _ Keyla.  _ I feel the same way. I feel exactly the same way.”

There’s quiet. 

A deafening, earth-shattering kind of quiet where silence isn’t just the absence of noise, it  _ is _ the noise, and you want to break it more than any silence you want to break but you can’t for the life of you figure out how. 

And at the same time, they seem to realize there really is only one way, and when their lips meet it’s like a clearing in the forest.

“I love you,” Keyla whispers when they break apart.

“I love you too,” Joann whispers back, unable to keep the grin off her face. Neither of them can, for that matter. 

And time is fixed.

They get to keep this moment.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! any and all feedback is greatly appreciated <3  
> I wrote this in one day and it's a little rushed so lmk if you find any errors lmao


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